In the once upon a time long long ago column we have to young boys guided by light. They were men of integrity and genius with a pinch of invincibility. Unable to find fear in the mundane or be trapped by life they set out to be greatness incarnate. But life is cruel and hates those who would go against the grain. So as life will go showing those who fail to realize they should be constrained and content to stay still while running the boys soon found themselves afraid of who the are. Falling into darkness they trap themselves in mortal coils. Creating the devils work as their minds bind them and keep them held back. The once story of heroes became villains and loss. Failures and unforgiving to many years they felt not. Now true men of their age, one decadent and numb the other full of guilt and past thoughts. Ten years tick and gone. One would find solace with the tip of a gun while the other stared into the abyss to long. Birds are not meant to be caged. No one would let them be free to soar and sing. They would do the unthinkable and do what so few do. They owned their failures, misgiving, doubts and fears. Two boys became true men and know life is what you make it.


Thoughts from the darkness

I am the boy who stared into the abyss to long and found it made me smile and laugh. Now my life is filled with dark thoughts and I could not be happier. One realization we both came too is that we both were too afraid of the person in the mirror. But I am not afraid any more. I am ready to own up to the life I have built for myself. Willing to break the chains that bind me. I am in love with duality. Everything is right, everything is wrong, six billion people can’t be wrong.

Broken thoughts and life’s damage finds to few words to fill pages. But those who talk about truth and the darkness they hold inside find a special place in my heart. Too few people feel while they care too much. Usually and sadly they feel nothing for the world and others around them yet they care too much about their lives and daily drama. It is a mistake to be lost in ones own self despair but another to find pain in the action of those around you or the lack there of. Those emotions that rise to the surface when set in the face of inhumanity is honesty and sincerity laid bare.

It is hard to be the person that takes charge. It is hard to be the person others look up to. It is impossible to be the person I want to be. I understood that my problems early. I am person who wants it all and has the drive to take it by force. I am willing to stand upon the bodies of others. I can be impossibly cruel to people and make them think its great compassion. Sociopathic and malevolent with a gift for gab and quick friendships I felt as a wolf among sheep. I did not set out to be evil, I just found it was easier and quicker than be being just and kind. To powerful to young I would have no problem destroying the world if it made me happy. It took the power of love, unrequited and true, love that I would have to destroy for it to untimely save me. The power of destruction made me hate who I was and run far far away from me.

Second guessing and holding back it is no life for even a dog to live. Ten years of eternity I would trap myself in guilt and live my present in the past. I found myself moving forward inexplicably, guided to happiness and free of worry. Though I would hide this away from others and even me. It is the truth of my spirituality that I feel free and safe. That this life is mine to mold and shape yet God has a plan and no matter where I go or the obstacles in my way God is there to pick me up, push me through and show me the right way. I am not ashamed that I am winner or that I will succeed that I am free. I will never be afraid again to be me.

My greatest joy and wonder comes from hypocrisy and contradiction. My realization that everyone regardless of race, religion, gender or nation has their thoughts on how the world should be. You are right to assume that many people fall in line and share similar thoughts but what is true today for one person could change drastically tomorrow. That when you were sixteen and the world you held dear was yours and no others and not even god could stop you that now you are thirty-six and you care deeply about your children and pray to God to protect you. Think back and know you are inherently different ten years ago than the person you are today. Neither is wrong because both realities are yours it is just the nature of mankind to adapt and change.

So the challenge is yours to embrace the darkness or find the light. These words that appear are here to make you feel and see beyond yourself. We feel that insight into the moments that brought these ideas to life is important to share. Though we do not feel the need to dictate meaning to you either. So rise up and break free of your demons this is the only life you will remember.